Two days in a row??

Obviously aliens have taken control of my body as I am doing this two days in a row. As long as they don't probe me we'll get along just fine.

Got my blood work results back today and both my CA-125 and CEA levels are normal! Great news but they are still going to keep an eye on me for a while just to be on the safe side.

On a more personal note...what could be more personal than my health trials and tribulations you may ask? My New Years resolution was to finally file for divorce this year. I've been separated for I don't know, 6 or 7 years, and since he showed no interest in paying for it I decided that filing would be a good Birthday present for myself. So the week of July 15th I will be taking back my maiden name! Is this something I should feel sad about, because all I feel is a huge weight off of my shoulders. This is something that should have been a long time ago. Marriage should be a happy thing, it should be two people and a give and take kind of relationship. Mine was never really any of that and the only thing that saddens me is that I ever let things be as bad as they were. So I'm going to let this ending be a happy one, because I deserve it.

I see a week of Tequila Sunrises in my future and time with some of the friends that I love...

Here's to the future....it's gonna be even better than the past!

Life is good...for once

I'm going to say it again.. for what seems like the thousandth time, I'm going to try and start blogging way more than I have. I promise!

To get the health stuff out of the way, last week I went and saw my OB/GYN Oncologist for my 1 year follow up. The exam and ultrasound looked good and had some blood work to keep an eye on some of my CA levels but so far no results.. no news is good news!

On to life in general... I've got a lot to be happy about.. family, amazing friends, people I love and people who love me. I am lucky enough to have friends who are musicians, damn good ones at that, I truly believe that music can heal anything if you open yourself up to it and let it in body, mind and soul.  I know it has gotten me through a lot and without it I'd be lost in a sea of hopelessness.

My Girl Interrupted girls Chris and Lee

One of the boys who Interrupted, Joel

Another boy Interrupting, but Bart is married to Chris so I guess it's okay

 

 

 

And of course Young, yet another boy!

 

 This is the youngest talent On the local scene Trina, she rocks! And me and Chris.. don't ask

 

These are just some of the people who make me smile, laugh, heal and love.

Stranger things have happened

I'm coming up on a year since I had my tumor and other misc. organs removed. It some ways it seems like yesterday and in others it seems like forever ago. My iron and red count are still low and the red cells are too small. Or at least they were last month when I went in and had an i.v. infusion of iron, we'll find out in early June if that worked or if my body is just weird.  I'm betting weird is the answer.

I've got a million and one things I want to say here but I'm just not ready to say them.  I'm making some big changes and taking some big steps. I think things are going to be interesting around here....I hope!

It's amazing how one thing can absolutely change your life and give you new reason to fight...and it's wonderful.

Ups and downs

Once again it's been a while so I guess it's time to do some rambling.

Seems like some parts of my life may be looking up. I'm not ready to talk about the possible good stuff yet because I don't want to jinx anything just yet.  Just keep your fingers crossed for me.

And of course since this is me, there has to be a down.  Had some lab work last week and my Iron and red blood cell levels are low again, and my red cells are smaller than they shoud be.  The oncologist thought that the surgery last year should have resolved the problem but once again I'm an oddity.  So Wendsday I'll be reporting to the Chemo suite for an Iron I.V. infusion. Hopefully this will help and maybe kickstart my system, otherwise it's test city once again to see if we can find a cause. I'm hoping I'm not carting around another 12 pound tumor, I guess we'll see.

And of course since I wasn't expecting all of this, I am turning in change and selling crap on Ebay in hopes of making enough money to pay my bills. Oh well, it's not like I'm not used to being poor, but I'm starting to get sick of soup!!

For your viewing pleasure here is a picture of Kiko the baby Giraffe that was born at the Greenville SC Zoo last year. it's not too clear but my camera sucks!

Feelings....nothing more than feelings

I've been thinking a lot about feelings lately.  Not just emotional feelings, though I've got plenty of those running through my head too, these are more, lets say psychic feelings.

I've always had a sixth sense, a small one but it's there.  I wake up knowing who I'm going to hear from during the day,  stuff like that. It also extends to my health issues. I usually know when there is something wrong with me way before the doctors do. I've even been know to just tell the people doing the tests what they need to look for and they almost always find it.

I knew that I had something serious going on when they found the tumor back in April, I almost hate to say it because I don't want it happening again but I've been having that same feeling again. Both in my mind and in how I feel physically..

Hopefully my spidey sense is off this time. I'm seeing the oncologist March 20th so we'll see then. Until then I'm going to live my life and enjoy life.

Now the emotional feelings.... I'm one of those people who laugh at funerals because I  think people would prefer us to remember and celebrate the fun parts of their lives and not be all mopey and stuff. I cry when I'm mad or when someone I love is hurting. I hurt when people I care about and claim to be my friends cut me out of their lives because they have a new "toy".  I hurt when I go out of my way to help someone with a bad situation and get left behind. I'm good enough to help them but not good enough to take a chance on. I guess it's their loss ans someday they will realize that. Maybe it won't be too late.

Enough with the maudlin crap, if you know a guy who wants 45 year old Grandma with lots of scars have him HMU  jk :)

I should really be asleep

Yeah, I really should be asleep considering that I have to be up in 4 hours and 50 minutes to go eat breakfast at the Cracker Barrel followed by a trip to Hamrick's. If you live in my part of the South you know what Hamrick's is, if you don't know you are missing out on the Mecca for maw-maw clothes. It's going to be a LONG Thanksgiving day.

However I guess I shall just be thankful that I am able to go and spend time with my family, at least the part that didn't up and move away leaving me here to miss them all desperately. Hopefully a little guilt goes a long way.

So, things I am thankful for this year:

I'm thankful that that big azz tumah they took out of me in May was low-malignancy with only a tiny chance of reoccurence. And that they took out all my girlie parts while they were in there. While I don't recommend the tumor i do highly recommend having all your girlie parts removed. And your appendix.

I'm thankful that I have an amazing family even if some of them could be classified legally insane(not going to point any fingers).

I'm thankful I finally have a decent car that has a working heater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm thankful for some of the best friends a person could ever have. Some of you have been around for over 30 years and I still love you just as much now if not more. And those I have made recently have kept me from going insane.

I'm thankful I am surrounded by people with musical talent because watching and hearing them play and perform keep me on an even keel even when I feel like I'm taking on water.

I'm thankful for Basset Hound puppies that remind me how much I loved my childhood, at least until my brother came along, it went downhill from there :)

I'm thankful that I've learned to somewhat control my M.S. and haven't had many bad days this year and I'm thankful for 4 years of remission from thyroid cancer. I know too many who didn't make it through this year. I always wonder why I am still here when others who were so much better people than me aren't. But that's a blog for another day, when I have a box of kleenex handy.

And I'm thankful no one turned on the bull! Yee haw y'all!

It's been one of those lifes......

Yeah, yeah I know...... its been a while. So let's hit the high points. I'm still having problems with the anemia but not to the point I need another transfusion. I'm hoping that never happens again, it was not an enjoyable thing to go through.  My M.S. isn't bothering me too much right now, mainly because I am trying to keep things nice and calm in my life. Drama=stress=gigantic tumahs!

What else is happening in the land of Small Town Friendly? My mom has spent the past 6 months or so living with my brother in TN keeping an eye on the two best nieces anyone could ever hope to have. Speaking of which If anyone can help out my niece Paige with her 2nd grade project I would greatly appreciate it. This is what is needed from you: And a pic of Paige so you'll feel guilty if you don't help  

The 2nd grade classes are studying the United States of America. We need information about different states. If you'd like to participate all you need to do is send us a postcard telling us about where you live (city/state/etc.) We would like to see how many postcards we can receive from different states (postcards from other country's would be nice as well). Also if you visit different area's during the school year that may be of interest to our students you can send one from there as well. Please mail the postcard directly to the school and have it addressed to the child you are sending it to in care of their teacher.  Please print instead of using cursive so the student can read the post card to the classroom. Please ask as many people as you'd like to participate in this exciting learning activity.  Thank You Mount Carmel Elementary Second Grade Teachers

Here is how to address your post card so that it gets to the right student and teacher:

Paige Condrey

c/o Mrs. Arnold

127 Cherry Street

Mt. Carmel, TN 37645

TIA!

Closer to home, my daughter has moved to Massachusetts so her husband could spend some time with his family. I miss her terribly and want her back so bad it hurts. But she's a big girl and so am I so I'll get over it.

I don't think people realize how good of an actress I can be when it comes to my health.  I've had doctors tell me they don't know how I get through the day sometimes when they can see in my eyes and the way I move how bad I feel and how much I must be hurting. I've lived with pain for so long that it seems normal to me and it makes those good days, really really good!

For me the financial aspects of all my health issues are what weighs the most on my mind. Even with insurance, that I have to pay for, I've still got several thousand dollars worth of bills from the surgery, transfusions and multiple doctor visits. My car is on its last legs, or at least thats what I think of when I hear the screeching/screaming noise and see the smoke coming from under the hood. If I had anything worth selling, it would be gone !

I need an artistic person to draw me a picture. I want a cat with wings of fire sitting in a patch of Kudzu vines. Why would I want a picture of that? My mother told me that she wanted us to get a tattoo as one of her bucket list items. I'm down with that but wanted something that means something to me. With all my health issues it just hit me: cats have 9 lives(I think I've used 3 of mine) , the wings of fire come from the Phoenix which always rises from the ashes and so far I keep coming back for more(plus my Grandsons name is Phoenix) and the Kudzu as any Southerner can tell you is almost impossible to kill. I'll need a snowflake and a musical note in there somewhere too to represent my Granddaughters Wynter and Aria. But this will probably won't be happening any time soon, monetary priorites ya know.

This is gonna be a long month. Enough whining, hopefully my next blog will be a little more entertaining.

    

 

Yeah yeah, I know.....

So, after convincing my surgeon that I really needed my birthday weekend before they cut me open like a watermelon, my surgery was scheduled for May 9th. As you can see I'm still alive, either that or Cynthia Wilson has hijacked this blog. It's easy to tell us apart though, she smells like Clorox and I don't.

We hit the hospital at 5:00 only to be told that my 7:30 surgery had been pushed back to 9:30..... WHY IN HADES DID NO ONE CALL ME I COULD HAVE GOTTEN 2 MORE HOURS OF SLEEP!!!! Eventually they sent me and my mom upstairs to get me ready. They actually got my first i.v. in pretty easy, which with me is AMAZING, usually they have to try numerous times. So we headed to the o.r. and at some point between them starting my first i.v. and putting in the second i.v. I asked my surgeon to take a picture of my tumor!  Now anyone who knows me can tell you I do not like gross stuff, at all, but apparently my subconscious thought it would be a great photo op. So yes, I have a picture of my tumah.

The surgery went amazingly well, they did a total hysterectomy, removed my appendix and of course removed the tumor. Did I mention that that sucker weighed 12 pounds and 8 ounces! They had to cut from above my bellybutton all the way down into the nether regions in order to get it out in one piece. Staples, staples and more staples.

Final verdict was a low-malignancy muscinous tumor. While there were some bad cells I won't need chemo or radiation and there is only a miniscule chance of recurrence so YAY!

After a 3 day hospital stay I finally got to come home to my own bed where I could get some sleep.  Well, except when my mom woke me up EVERY SINGLE MORNING wanting to know what I wanted for breakfast when she knows I never eat before noon. Except for the chocolate pudding I eat when I take my morning meds.The first week was not fun, I couldn't eat for the nausea and it took a while to find something that was going to work. At my two week check-up I was down 27 pounds. I did finally get my appetite back and started feeling a bit stronger.

After my 2 week check-up I finally got to be able to drive again, thank the freaking lord cause I was going stir crazy sitting here all day with no one to talk to, not even my cat who went to stay with her grandparents because I didn't need her making biscuits on my stapled belly. Still not allowed to pick up anything over ten pounds at least until June 25th which is my next appointment with the surgeons.

I'm 3 and 1/2 weeks out from surgery and and really doing well for the most part. My incision is healing really well and while I'm still sore, okay, very sore at times, it gets better every day. I never knew sneezing could hurt, it can.

Here comes the more

I tend to neglect my blog because usually what I want to say just doesn't come out the way I want to say it. That I really have a very boring life.

Fortunately for you, I now have something new to talk about. Unfortunately for me it's that once again I am facing that yucky C word. And not the four letter C word. The 6 letter C word, yep that one.

About a month and a half ago I went in for my regular bloodwork at my endocrinologists office. A couple of days later I get a call from her telling me to take myself to the ER because according to my bloodwork I needed a transfusion. So I headed for the hospital with a blood count of 5.2 which is about a third of what it should be. They admitted me and went to work. Four pints of blood, a colonoscopy , an endoscopy and a couple of days later they finally sent me home with an appointment with the oncologist as they couldn't find a reason for the anemia.

A trip to the oncologist finally got someone to look at my stomach which over the past 4-6 months has slowly grown. And nope, dang sure wasn't a baby. So off to the hospital for a Ct scan and pelvic x-ray. That so amazed the doctor that they followed it up with different ultrasounds.  Not being one to do anything half assed, I am the proud owner of a volleyball size cyst in my abdomen. Besides making me look 18 months pregnant, at least to my eyes, it is pushing all my organs back and down and round and round.

With the second ultrasound my oncologist told me he felt I have Cystic Ovarian Cancer, which from here on out I will call COCk. So today, or yesterday since it's after midnight, I headed up to Asheville to meet with a GYN Oncologist who specializes in this sort of stuff. After 2 more ultrasounds today he found that my cyst has several nodules inside of it and he does think it may be attached to at least the right ovary. Of course he also said that there is also the chance that it may not be cancerous, but I get feelings about things and my feelings are pointing at the fact that this volleyball is not benign.

So... on Friday i will head back up the mountain to get my pre-op stuff done and then on the 9th I report to the hospital at 5:30 a.m., which is a time of day no decent human should be awake, and will go into surgery at 7:30. At this point he plans on removing the mass, uterus and right ovary. They will send a sample out to pathology and if need be will take out whatever needs to come out. TAKE IT ALL!!!!!!!

So here we go again, I'll try and really keep this updated even on those days where all I do is sit on the couch and watch t.v. I've still got 126 episodes of Dark Shadows to watch before I will let myself go see the Johnny Depp version.

***note to self*** make next entry about all the reasons I can't die anytime soon.

I love cats but.......

Everyone knows I love me some cats. My cats keep me sane and drive me crazy all at the same time.

I have 2 indoor cats and they keep me laughing and stress free most of the time.

However I also have a habit of feeding all the neighborhood strays. This wasn't a problem until the past few days. A beautiful yellow tom has shown up and while he is actually the only stray who will let me pet him, he has decided that the entire outside of my house must be sprayed by him so that everyone knows that this is now his territory. So my house right now smells liike a big ole ball of stank. He's gonna have to go, nothing else is gonna help.


The landlord put out a cage today and caught one of the stray females, so 1 down 6 to go. Maybe if we can get rid of some of them  Tom will hit the trail back to where he came from. 


They are calling for rain on Thursday so maybe that will wash some of the stank away, I can dream. Otherwise I'm gonna have to febreeze the entire outside of the house.