It's almost 2:30 a.m. so why am I still awake?

I could understand still being awake if this was Friday or Saturday, hell I'd more than likely being headed to the Waffle House but tonight?!  My mind doesn't want to shut down so maybe if I ramble a bit I will eventually nod off.

Ten years and two months ago was when I finally got my official diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. People ask me how that felt, was I scared?  No, I was relieved... I finally had an answer to why I was freezing in place, falling down, passing out and going numb. It took 4 Neurologists before one would actually say "You have M.S." something I knew in my heart even as I saw the first one.  I was tested for everything they could test for and then some. For me the diagnosis was a blessing... I could finally get around to doing something to get the problem under control.  I've learned what causes me to have exacerbations and I do everything I can to avoid and prevent them. It seems to be working along with my meds that I take.

Just five months after that diagnosis during an MRI on my spine to check for MS lesions the tech stopped the scan, went and called in a doctor and they proceeded to put me in yet another machine.  Usually they won't tell you what they see, you have to wait for the report to go to your doctor and the doctor calls you. Instead they told me that they saw something in my neck and needed to check it out.  It was a mass on my Thyroid. I went almost immediately for a biopsy which came back cancerous. Again there was no sense of panic, just a calm acceptance of let's get something done about this so I can go back to living.  A week later I had surgery, they took the entire thyroid and two para-thyroids. Supposedly I have two left but they don't work.  I did radiation treatments twice. The kind where you swallow a pill and then have to be in total isolation for days. I was in a hospital room where I could have no visitors... they could come to the door but not come in. Not even the nurses were allowed in the room.. they set my food on a table just inside the door and everything went into hazmat bags when I finished.  I did wake up one morning to find my bed surrounded by a doctor reading my chart to a group of interns. I just opened my eyes, looked around and said " Did I die or did you not read the DO NOT ENTER patient is RADIOACTIVE sign on the door?" I've never seen a room clear that fast...lmao..  After two rounds of that and about a half dozen or more less radioactive but still radioactive scans I was finally cleared.  Other than the fact that I have to take massive amounts of vitamins and minerals to keep my blood a pumping I'm doing good from that.

And of course my last round with the 12 pound 8 ounce tumor and the removal of most of my innards. I'm not going to rehash that at this point, you can go back about a year to read about that if you want to refresh or if you just got here.  I've got a pretty humongous scar from that, I just tell people I got it in a drunk monkey knife fight if they ask... not that many people ever see it :)

I had kind of a stressful week but the past couple of days have been better and hopefully it will keep getting even better.  Stress is a trigger I try to avoid. God has kept me here for a reason, I think I know what it is... if I'm right it's an amazing gift if I'm wrong, it's an amazing lesson.  Either way I'm here for the ride.

Since here lately I've been posting pictures of my friends and things that mean something I guess I need to see what I can find tonight.

 Goodnight y'all see you next time!!!

My guilty pleasure

Well... one of them, is the Canadian t.v. show Trailer Park Boys.  It's never been a secret that I love Sci-Fi but TPB is my fall back when I need to laugh.  So it should come as no surprise that I am super stoked that they are filming a new season!!!!! SQUEEEEEEE!!!!

I had a really great weekend hanging out with two of my favorite bands, Girl Interrupted and Ask Alice at the Wounded Warrior Rally at the AmVets Post 75 in Roebuck S.C.  It was a great day and they raised a lot of money for a good cause. Bikers from various clubs showed up to show their respect for those who have fought for our freedoms and left their differences at the door. That's what these things are for peace and honor... I'm still playing with my camera but I kind of liked these pics.

I proud to say that these people are not just my friends, they are my family and without them I would be lost.....and for sure wouldn't laugh as much as I do.

Sunday was a lazy day but an evening with a friend followed by lunch on Monday made my life a whole lot brighter. I'm looking forward to what the future holds for once.

Luckily even though it was hot on Saturday there was a breeze and enough shade that it didn't cause any problems with the MS... knock on wood.  Music is the best therapy anyone can have, I firmly believe that and I'm blessed to have a number of "therapists" in my world.

Everybody wants to

Every once and a while you just feel this urge, this anger, this need to just slap the stupid out of someone. Any one that really knows me can tell you that I never resort to violence, but that doesn't mean it doesn't cross my mind from time to time.

But I'm a lover, not a fighter. I want the people I love to be happy and feel safe.  Lately I see a lot of people put into conflicts they don't deserve to be in. Why people insist on being vindictive and petty with other people is beyond me.  I'm not saying I'm Mother Teresa...again I'm sure some of my friends can attest to the fact that when someone really upsets me, I do get mad... but I walk away from the conflict, end the relationship, whatever I need to do to calm myself down. Things either sort themselves out or they don't but I'm not going to let someone else dictate my feelings.

I have people in my life, people I see every day and people I've met and maintained friendships with on-line for years, who I have watched  be hurt and manipulated by other people for no other reason than because the manipulator was miserable and wanted my friends to be miserable too.  It's hard to watch but all I can do is be there when they need someone who cares and loves them to encourage them.  It hurts me to see them hurt and all I want to do is wash it all away.

I've always been the sounding board for people.  For as long as I can remember people have come to me when they need to talk, to work out the problems that are holding them down.  I think in a previous life I must have been a psychologist ... if I'd had the opportunity that's what I'd be doing today.

I know this post is kind of rambling but I'm in a rambling kind of mood right now.  It's been one of those days you want a hug and want to hug someone... but you didn't do either. 

I guess I should say something about my MS since that was going to be my main focus when I started the blog, hence the name MS and More. It just seems that the More effects me more than the MS...
I'm still on Copaxone and while I hate the daily shot it seems to be doing it's job.  I've been pretty much stable for a while.  I have a bad day every now and then but with my meds, trying to eat right, and not pushing myself I am pretty much keeping myself on an even keel.

Maybe it's time to change the name of the blog?

Two days in a row??

Obviously aliens have taken control of my body as I am doing this two days in a row. As long as they don't probe me we'll get along just fine.

Got my blood work results back today and both my CA-125 and CEA levels are normal! Great news but they are still going to keep an eye on me for a while just to be on the safe side.

On a more personal note...what could be more personal than my health trials and tribulations you may ask? My New Years resolution was to finally file for divorce this year. I've been separated for I don't know, 6 or 7 years, and since he showed no interest in paying for it I decided that filing would be a good Birthday present for myself. So the week of July 15th I will be taking back my maiden name! Is this something I should feel sad about, because all I feel is a huge weight off of my shoulders. This is something that should have been a long time ago. Marriage should be a happy thing, it should be two people and a give and take kind of relationship. Mine was never really any of that and the only thing that saddens me is that I ever let things be as bad as they were. So I'm going to let this ending be a happy one, because I deserve it.

I see a week of Tequila Sunrises in my future and time with some of the friends that I love...

Here's to the future....it's gonna be even better than the past!

Life is good...for once

I'm going to say it again.. for what seems like the thousandth time, I'm going to try and start blogging way more than I have. I promise!

To get the health stuff out of the way, last week I went and saw my OB/GYN Oncologist for my 1 year follow up. The exam and ultrasound looked good and had some blood work to keep an eye on some of my CA levels but so far no results.. no news is good news!

On to life in general... I've got a lot to be happy about.. family, amazing friends, people I love and people who love me. I am lucky enough to have friends who are musicians, damn good ones at that, I truly believe that music can heal anything if you open yourself up to it and let it in body, mind and soul.  I know it has gotten me through a lot and without it I'd be lost in a sea of hopelessness.

My Girl Interrupted girls Chris and Lee

One of the boys who Interrupted, Joel

Another boy Interrupting, but Bart is married to Chris so I guess it's okay

 

 

 

And of course Young, yet another boy!

 

 This is the youngest talent On the local scene Trina, she rocks! And me and Chris.. don't ask

 

These are just some of the people who make me smile, laugh, heal and love.

Stranger things have happened

I'm coming up on a year since I had my tumor and other misc. organs removed. It some ways it seems like yesterday and in others it seems like forever ago. My iron and red count are still low and the red cells are too small. Or at least they were last month when I went in and had an i.v. infusion of iron, we'll find out in early June if that worked or if my body is just weird.  I'm betting weird is the answer.

I've got a million and one things I want to say here but I'm just not ready to say them.  I'm making some big changes and taking some big steps. I think things are going to be interesting around here....I hope!

It's amazing how one thing can absolutely change your life and give you new reason to fight...and it's wonderful.

Ups and downs

Once again it's been a while so I guess it's time to do some rambling.

Seems like some parts of my life may be looking up. I'm not ready to talk about the possible good stuff yet because I don't want to jinx anything just yet.  Just keep your fingers crossed for me.

And of course since this is me, there has to be a down.  Had some lab work last week and my Iron and red blood cell levels are low again, and my red cells are smaller than they shoud be.  The oncologist thought that the surgery last year should have resolved the problem but once again I'm an oddity.  So Wendsday I'll be reporting to the Chemo suite for an Iron I.V. infusion. Hopefully this will help and maybe kickstart my system, otherwise it's test city once again to see if we can find a cause. I'm hoping I'm not carting around another 12 pound tumor, I guess we'll see.

And of course since I wasn't expecting all of this, I am turning in change and selling crap on Ebay in hopes of making enough money to pay my bills. Oh well, it's not like I'm not used to being poor, but I'm starting to get sick of soup!!

For your viewing pleasure here is a picture of Kiko the baby Giraffe that was born at the Greenville SC Zoo last year. it's not too clear but my camera sucks!

Feelings....nothing more than feelings

I've been thinking a lot about feelings lately.  Not just emotional feelings, though I've got plenty of those running through my head too, these are more, lets say psychic feelings.

I've always had a sixth sense, a small one but it's there.  I wake up knowing who I'm going to hear from during the day,  stuff like that. It also extends to my health issues. I usually know when there is something wrong with me way before the doctors do. I've even been know to just tell the people doing the tests what they need to look for and they almost always find it.

I knew that I had something serious going on when they found the tumor back in April, I almost hate to say it because I don't want it happening again but I've been having that same feeling again. Both in my mind and in how I feel physically..

Hopefully my spidey sense is off this time. I'm seeing the oncologist March 20th so we'll see then. Until then I'm going to live my life and enjoy life.

Now the emotional feelings.... I'm one of those people who laugh at funerals because I  think people would prefer us to remember and celebrate the fun parts of their lives and not be all mopey and stuff. I cry when I'm mad or when someone I love is hurting. I hurt when people I care about and claim to be my friends cut me out of their lives because they have a new "toy".  I hurt when I go out of my way to help someone with a bad situation and get left behind. I'm good enough to help them but not good enough to take a chance on. I guess it's their loss ans someday they will realize that. Maybe it won't be too late.

Enough with the maudlin crap, if you know a guy who wants 45 year old Grandma with lots of scars have him HMU  jk :)

I should really be asleep

Yeah, I really should be asleep considering that I have to be up in 4 hours and 50 minutes to go eat breakfast at the Cracker Barrel followed by a trip to Hamrick's. If you live in my part of the South you know what Hamrick's is, if you don't know you are missing out on the Mecca for maw-maw clothes. It's going to be a LONG Thanksgiving day.

However I guess I shall just be thankful that I am able to go and spend time with my family, at least the part that didn't up and move away leaving me here to miss them all desperately. Hopefully a little guilt goes a long way.

So, things I am thankful for this year:

I'm thankful that that big azz tumah they took out of me in May was low-malignancy with only a tiny chance of reoccurence. And that they took out all my girlie parts while they were in there. While I don't recommend the tumor i do highly recommend having all your girlie parts removed. And your appendix.

I'm thankful that I have an amazing family even if some of them could be classified legally insane(not going to point any fingers).

I'm thankful I finally have a decent car that has a working heater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm thankful for some of the best friends a person could ever have. Some of you have been around for over 30 years and I still love you just as much now if not more. And those I have made recently have kept me from going insane.

I'm thankful I am surrounded by people with musical talent because watching and hearing them play and perform keep me on an even keel even when I feel like I'm taking on water.

I'm thankful for Basset Hound puppies that remind me how much I loved my childhood, at least until my brother came along, it went downhill from there :)

I'm thankful that I've learned to somewhat control my M.S. and haven't had many bad days this year and I'm thankful for 4 years of remission from thyroid cancer. I know too many who didn't make it through this year. I always wonder why I am still here when others who were so much better people than me aren't. But that's a blog for another day, when I have a box of kleenex handy.

And I'm thankful no one turned on the bull! Yee haw y'all!

It's been one of those lifes......

Yeah, yeah I know...... its been a while. So let's hit the high points. I'm still having problems with the anemia but not to the point I need another transfusion. I'm hoping that never happens again, it was not an enjoyable thing to go through.  My M.S. isn't bothering me too much right now, mainly because I am trying to keep things nice and calm in my life. Drama=stress=gigantic tumahs!

What else is happening in the land of Small Town Friendly? My mom has spent the past 6 months or so living with my brother in TN keeping an eye on the two best nieces anyone could ever hope to have. Speaking of which If anyone can help out my niece Paige with her 2nd grade project I would greatly appreciate it. This is what is needed from you: And a pic of Paige so you'll feel guilty if you don't help  

The 2nd grade classes are studying the United States of America. We need information about different states. If you'd like to participate all you need to do is send us a postcard telling us about where you live (city/state/etc.) We would like to see how many postcards we can receive from different states (postcards from other country's would be nice as well). Also if you visit different area's during the school year that may be of interest to our students you can send one from there as well. Please mail the postcard directly to the school and have it addressed to the child you are sending it to in care of their teacher.  Please print instead of using cursive so the student can read the post card to the classroom. Please ask as many people as you'd like to participate in this exciting learning activity.  Thank You Mount Carmel Elementary Second Grade Teachers

Here is how to address your post card so that it gets to the right student and teacher:

Paige Condrey

c/o Mrs. Arnold

127 Cherry Street

Mt. Carmel, TN 37645

TIA!

Closer to home, my daughter has moved to Massachusetts so her husband could spend some time with his family. I miss her terribly and want her back so bad it hurts. But she's a big girl and so am I so I'll get over it.

I don't think people realize how good of an actress I can be when it comes to my health.  I've had doctors tell me they don't know how I get through the day sometimes when they can see in my eyes and the way I move how bad I feel and how much I must be hurting. I've lived with pain for so long that it seems normal to me and it makes those good days, really really good!

For me the financial aspects of all my health issues are what weighs the most on my mind. Even with insurance, that I have to pay for, I've still got several thousand dollars worth of bills from the surgery, transfusions and multiple doctor visits. My car is on its last legs, or at least thats what I think of when I hear the screeching/screaming noise and see the smoke coming from under the hood. If I had anything worth selling, it would be gone !

I need an artistic person to draw me a picture. I want a cat with wings of fire sitting in a patch of Kudzu vines. Why would I want a picture of that? My mother told me that she wanted us to get a tattoo as one of her bucket list items. I'm down with that but wanted something that means something to me. With all my health issues it just hit me: cats have 9 lives(I think I've used 3 of mine) , the wings of fire come from the Phoenix which always rises from the ashes and so far I keep coming back for more(plus my Grandsons name is Phoenix) and the Kudzu as any Southerner can tell you is almost impossible to kill. I'll need a snowflake and a musical note in there somewhere too to represent my Granddaughters Wynter and Aria. But this will probably won't be happening any time soon, monetary priorites ya know.

This is gonna be a long month. Enough whining, hopefully my next blog will be a little more entertaining.