Misty river colored memories

Holidays just aren't the same as they where when we were children. I don't mean the amount of presents, it's more the lack of family unity. I can remember so many Christmas' where our entire family and extended family would gather at My mam-maw and pap-paws home for Christmas dinner and of course the opening of all the presents.

And of course a trip to Gran's house for lunch and presents with Mom's side of the family. It wasn't so much the presents as just spending time with people with didn't always get to see. 

But people pass away and kids grow up and have their own families and things just change, not always for the best. I always thought that when my Gran passed that my mom would take charge and demand that we continue the family tradition of Christmas together, just at her house instead of at the old home place. Instead everyone goes their own way and we rarely see anyone on Christmas at all.

While I understand the need for people to want to create their own holiday traditions, it seems that all it does is pull families farther apart. I want my nieces and my grandchildren to have what I had growing up.Knowing that Christmas meant spending the day with their cousins eating dinner with their entire extended families and opening presents together and just being kids. I miss that more than anything.

Instead this year, Christmas Day me, my parents and one of my aunt and uncles  went to the local Italian restaurant for an early dinner.Then the next day we went to my daughters house so that the Grands could open their presents.

While I was happy to see everyone it just wasn't the same as we were never all together.Oh well, there's always next year.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year!

There are a lot of sick peoplein this world

As I was wandering the internets in yet another drug induced stupor I ran across this article http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45795486/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/?google_editors_picks=true#.Tvql2fIatB5

So mom moves her kids to a trailer park so she can help her sex offender father, a trailer park apparently filled with other sexual predators.  She then gets one of these fine upstanding citizens to babysit. He proceeds to kill and dismember this poor little 9 year old girl. Why? Well I guess he just felt like it.


While I feel such sorrow for the family for what has happened, I think the anger has overwhelmed that emotion in my heart. Anger towards the man who killed this innocent girl and anger toward her mother who placed her in the hands of this monster.


Having 3 beautiful Grandchildren myself I can't imagine even entertaining the idea of putting them in the hands of a convicted sex offender of any type. What was this woman thinking? 


The world is slowly going to hell in a hand basket.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I for one am glad it's over and I can quit worrying about it. I have enough to worry about without holiday stress. Let's see, broke another tooth, calcium is low enough that my face is numb and my fingers are tingling. I keep getting cramps in my feet which have caused me to fall down more than once this week. All while trying to keep a smile on my face and not bite someone, anyone's, head off. Ah the joys of MS and ThyCa! I was glad to be able to watch the grands open their Christmas presents and happy that they seemed to love everything! I guess that makes up for all the bad stuff!

I'm putting myself out there

I have been having a pretty rough time with my health and my finances. If you can spare even $5 to help me reach my goal you will be helping more than you can ever know. This is a scary thing for me to do but I'm gonna conquer that fear and do it.


I'd really like to be able to smile without covering my mouth and not have to worry about the constant abscesses, this may be my only way to get what I need done, done. I'd appreciate any prayers too!

At this point I am halfway to the goal I need to be able to get the work done that I need to do, If anyone can find it in their hearts to donate even a dollar, every little bit will get me closer. Right now I have an abscess that I am dealing with and broken yet another tooth other the holiday, just call me snaggletooth.

MS is not a poor person disease

Or maybe I should say, you need to be rich to be successful at having Multiple Sclerosis.  I am failing miserably at this. I paid my rent, my car insurance and my water bill and have a whole $3 left to last until the 15th.

My cats are pissed because they are having to eat generic cat food....lol..... at least they are eating. My pantry is slowly emptying and I'm having to be creative. At least I have syrup for the Eggos :)

Enough whining,  things could be worse and they will be better. I demand it!

On to happier things, or weirder depending on how you look at it. Daisy has started licking the blinds I would worry but she's always been a little odd kitty anyway. And at least she's stopped dropping her polar bear stuffed baby in the commode.

I've been trying to get out of the house more often and thanks to my friends who have started both a full band and an acoustic show  I now have a reason to get up and get out from time to time. Love these guys. JunkPuncher and The Todd & Eric Acoustic Show!

Insecurities are a bitch

I'll be the first person to tell you I'm insecure. Not in all ways but it some ways, I always worry about what people are seeing when I walk across a room. Do they see me wobble and think I've had too much to drink, when in reality it's just a bad MS day. Believe me when I drink too much, you'll know.

I worry that the people I care about don't love me as much as I love them but I'm too insecure to ask.

But I mainly wonder over other peoples insecurities. I see people who should be enjoying a marriage to someone they've obsessed over for years and they slowly tear the relationship apart because they worry about the things you shouldn't worry about. If you love someone who has a passion for something, be it art, politics, music, either except that it will always be a part of their life or move on with yours. Don't drag someone down into your pit of despair because of the fear in your heart.

I would rather watch someone I love do the things they love even if it means less time with them than watch them change into a bitter person because I wouldn't give them the freedom to be who they really are.

Oh and by the way do these jeans make me look fat?

Dear Rude Dude in the Food Lion parking lot

Dear Asshole,

Yes I noticed the dirty look you gave me when I pulled into the handicapped spot and pulled out my placard and hung it on my rearview mirror.

I also heard you muttering about how some people thought they could get away with anything.

I know you heard me when I asked you if you had a problem, because you said "Yeah, my problem is lazy ass people like you who take spaces that the handicapped people need"

Which is why I replied " I'm really happy that you think I look good enough to not need that space but let me give you a little medical history. I have Multiple Sclerosis, chronic pain syndrome and complications from having thyroid cancer. All of those combined on some days mean that I'm lucky to be able to walk from one end of my home to the other, let alone across a parking lot to get groceries. And since I've had the stomach flu for a week I'm feeling even worse than usual. I don't always use the handicap spot, but when I need to use it I do. Which is why my neurologist signed the order for one.

You need to remember that not all handicaps are visible and I'm sorry that your doctor doesn't thing stupidity is a reason to give you a handicap placard. And have a nice day!"

Rude dude decided maybe he didn't need groceries after all and the little old lady sitting at the bus stop stood up and clapped for me as I went in the door.

Dream Come True

For as long as I can remember I have had two types of dreams. One is the kind where everything in it is so outrageous that you know you are in a dream. The other is where things are so normal that you think you are awake until you actually do wake up.

For me the real ones tend to bleed over into real life. If I dream about someone that I actually know, even if I haven't seen that person in years, they usually pop up in real life shortly thereafter. Sometimes it odd things, like Friday night I dreamed that I ran into my two oldest Grandchildren in the mall. Saturday, their other grandmother calls me to tell me that the kids will be modeling for Belk's at a nearby mall and they wanted me to come see them. Sure it could be coincidence but after 30 plus years of things like this happening you just go with it.

Just a few months ago I dreamed about a friend of my daughter, the next day she fell in the river, hit her head and had to be air-lifted to Spartanburg. She's fine but I knew something was going to happen to her. Several years ago I dreamed my neighbors house caught on fire, 2 days later the people across the street lost their home in a fire!

I think the one that sticks with me the most was a dream I had when I was a child, it was the late 70's. We lived in California at the time and one night I dreamed I was in a house I'd never seen an I was vacuuming the living room. There was ugly brown and orange shag carpet and a fireplace with a wide brick ledge around the bottom. Standing on the ledge was a girl I didn't know, she was talking to me while I vacuumed. A few years later we moved to North Carolina and into a house with that ugly brown/orange shag carpet and a fireplace in the living room. Not long after that my new best friend came in while I was vacuuming and jumped up on the ledge and went to chattering. It was exactly like my dream.

I'm still waiting for a lottery winning dream.

Mother of the Bride

Egads! My daughter is getting married May 31st. While I am ecstatic that after 3 kids she is FINALLY getting hitched I am dreading finding a dress to wear.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I just don't wear dresses. If fact my daughter can't remember me wearing any dr3ess other than my wedding dress, that was 11 years ago.

So how is a dress challenged woman supposed to pick out the perfect mother-of-the bride dress? If you are me, you post a plea for help on several internet message boards. Then you sit back and wait for the dress to come to you.

Somehow I don't think this is going to turn out well.

Real life vs. on-line life

It amazes me more every day how much I depend on my on-line friends to be there when I need someone to bitch and moan too. When I started getting sick and having so many health issues, it seemed like my real life friends just slowly disappeared. I'll never understand that, it's not like I did anything to them or that anything I had was contagious. I mean DUDE, you can't catch cancer or MS like it's the flu!

I could understand it if I was more of a complainer, but I'm one of those "keep it inside until you explode" kind of girls. Ask me how I am and I'll tell you I'm good, even if my pain level is a 20 on a scale of 1 to 10 or I can't feel my feet. I guess some people just can't handle being friends or a support system for someone who lives with a chronic disease.

So I've made friends with people from all over the world and I know all it takes is a post on a message board or a Facebook update and someone will be there to talk me down or pat me on the head when I need a little encouragement.

So thank you Al gore for inventing the Internet! Without it I would be one lonely girl.