Thursday, June 27, 2013

Feeling blue

I'm feeling sad tonight... well actually I've been feeling sad for a couple of weeks. And the bad thing is that I don't have to feel this way. All it would have taken was a sit down face to face talk with someone I care about and who said they cared about me.  But apparently it's easier to just walk away and not talk, not give a reason, not give someone closure.

I very rarely ask for anything from anyone.. It's just the way I am, I don't want to be a bother but sometimes answers would be nice.  As it is I don't know if it's something I said or did or if the person just thinks it would be harder on THEM to actually be honest with me.  it seems like the cowards way out.

All I want is to watch my friends live the lives they want to live and would never do anything but support them in their dreams so it hurts to be cut out with no explanation. I'm not wired to cut my feelings off and on like a light switch and people who are, are just enigmas to me.

I'll always be here for you because I love you, anytime day or night I'm just a text or phone call away.  I want you to be happy but I want me to be happy too... It may take some time but things will get better, there's no where to go but up.

Monday, June 24, 2013

I don't say it enough

Thank you... I grew up as an Army brat, you kind of learn not to make deep friendships because you know sooner rather than later you or they, are going to be moving. Because of that I learned to amuse myself and be independent, among other things.  of course it also made it hard for me to form real friendships once my dad retired and we settled down in North Carolina.

It's really only been recently that I've made what I consider to be real, true friends.  People who will be in my life for the rest of it.  For once I have people who I know will be there when I'm sad, happy, sick, lonely, bored and crazy.  People who took the time to see beneath what others see as shyness/snobbishness/ whatever they see me as.  I don't like to bother people so I'm usually waiting on someone to call or text me first...most people figure that out, others think it means I don't won't to talk to them when that is usually far from the truth.

I'm not always the easiest person to get to know but I think I'm worth it in the end.  So thank you for being my friend... all of you.... but especially you!!!