I need to apologize

To my one follower and to myself. I truly want to put my thoughts down for posterity, after all think of all the world would miss if I didn't. *sarcasm goes here*

Tonight I'm going to admit several things. First , I'm a liar, a big fat liar. Well, not all the time, just when someone asks me how I'm doing. I always just smile and say "I guess I'm okay, I'm still alive.", but it's a big fat humongous LIE. I learned a long time ago to hide how I'm really feeling when it comes to my health. I don't want to bother people or have my family worry about me so I just smile and keep going even if I feel like lying down and dying. The only person I can't fool is my Mam-maw, she always knows and she always calls me on it, bless her heart.

MS is a painful disease, at least it is for me. And I don't like taking pain meds so I mainly grin and bear it, except when I break down and cry. Tonight is a not a good night. But enough about that for now.

My next admission is I love Craig Ferguson. No matter how bad I feel I can watch his show and it makes me smile, it is also the only show guaranteed to make me laugh out loud. I can't wait to get my hands on his new book, "American on Purpose".

Enough rambling for the night.

Books, books and more books

So It' almost 3 a.m. and I'm still awake. What's on my mind at this time of night you may ask?

The huge bunch of books I have stored throughout my house. I have shelves, I have piles, I have boxes and hidey holes. All full of books, both read and unread. I fear that someday they will find my poor dessicated body covered by a collapsed pile of books, bookmark clenched between my teeth.

I must state for the record that I am not a book hoarder, I do try to find them all new homes as soon as I finish reading them. I have been a member of PaperbackSwap.com for many years and send out several almost every week. And yet there are book on my shelf that have just sat there for years with no one wanting them. So I have added BookMooch to my addiction. And now I have already been able to find homes for several of those books no one seemed to want.

So slowly the piles will diminish, at least until the batch I ordered shows up.

I so suck

Yeah, so it's been quite a while since I've bothered even looking at this blog.

It's not like I've been purposely avoiding it, it's more like I forget about thing VERY easily. My mind is like a sieve and things are constantly dripping out the bottom, kind of like my nose in allergy season.

Anyway, when I last left off did I have 1 grandchild or 2? I'm too lazy to open another screen to read what I wrote last. To update on the grandkid count, I now have 3 Wynter(5), Phoenix(4) and Aria who will soon be 1. I have the trifecta, a brunette, a blonde and a redhead so no more will be needed.

MS is still kicking my ass from time to time and the complications from the Thyroid cancer kick it all the time. I would suggest that everyone buy stock in OsCal as I personally keep them in business.

I'm still married though we've been separated for YEARS. I'm too broke to afford a lawyer and he doesn't seem inclined to want to be single, so for now I guess I'm stuck. Unless I run across a sugardaddy in Wal-Mart and convince him to pay for the divorce.

Life could be worse and at times I'm sure it will be. But we survive.

Tears on my pillow

Why can't I move on? Why do I continue to love someone who just can't be/ isn't there for me?

I'm tired of crying every day because of what could have been.

My life is hard enough with the pain I feel in my heart.

Yeah, yeah

My g-babies at Christmas!




So life is like one of those little bouncy balls that never seem to go where you want them too.

I've been in a real funk lately, not a James Brown Funky, just a funk.

Cattitude

 
 

Sleep..whaaaaa

So I have a real problem with sleep. I just don't get any. I have tried every med. made none of them work. Relaxation techniques....nope. Warm bath...nyahh. I am awake every night till 3-5 before I even get slightly sleepy, I'm so sick of it!

Is there such thing as sleep?

So we've tried the Sonata, didn't work. Now we ae rotating Halcion, Ativan and Alprazolam. None of them get me more than about 4 hours of sleep, the Ativan none.
I've decided sleep is over-rated, though I would dearly love some.
I've been feeling pretty funky for a while now, numbness, tingling and some foot dragging action. I guess I need to call the neuro and see what he says.

My how time has flown

 

So the grandbabies are now 2 and 1 as of September. We took this picture at their party. Phoenix was more interested in the cake ans Wynetr wasn't sure if she was supposed to open things or not. It was a good day though and I'll never forget it. 

Bahhhhh

That's how I feel...bahhhhh! Every part of my body hurts and I'm sick of it.

But anyway.....I saw my babies today and they are both growing so fast! phoenix is almost as big as his sister. And when she says "Phoenix..NO!!" it is so funny, she says it like feenicks.

I can't wait till he starts back at her..lol.