Next!!!!!

So a few weeks ago I was having some problems with what's known as the MS Hug.... or at least that's what I thought it was.  Took a trip to the Neurologist which led to an MRI which was okay except it led to a CT scan because they were seeing something funky on my spleen.  After some consulting and comparing an older scan, then another scan.... you still with me?..... it was decided that for now I have some lesions on my spleen but they are most likely benign so we are just going to keep an eye on them for  now.

Other than the fact my balance seems to be a little off I'm doing pretty good health wise for now and hopefully it will stay that way.

So what else is going on with me?  Pretty much nothing, as usual. I'm officially single and some wise ass signed me up for Cougar Life.com..... And while I do appreciate the younger men I prefer to do my hunting in real life ;) However I'm not much of a hunter so I don't see any wild game in my future.

So I'll just keep hanging with my friends, watching them perform and getting the 10% band discount at the Waffle House... Life is good.... except when one of the cats insists on sharing my chair...

Or wants to make biscuits at bedtime....

And hypodense lesions on the spleen do what...

???

Last week had an MRI done to check my MS progress.  While that is stable at the moment they found something new for them to alarm me with.. they were seeing lesions on my spleen, that meant a CT scan was in order.  Two days later got that done... for future reference and in case you ever have to drink the barium for this type test.... make sure to add a bunch of chocolate syrup to it and just pretend it's a semi-solid milkshake. It's the only way to get it down without throwing it back up.  Oh and make sure that about 4 hours after you are near a bathroom because you're gonna need it. TMI I know, but it's a public service announcement.

The ct showed the aforementioned hypodense lesions on my spleen.  If you Google these things it tells you everything and nothing.  Lots of times they are benign but lots of times they aren't.... let's go over my track record, one malignant cancer, one minimal to no malignancy, odds are for a malignancy though hopefully it is contained to the spleen and can be removed.  Yet another possible scar, if their are men out there with a scar fetish... I'm your girl ;)

Will be seeing the Gastro Doctor tomorrow afternoon to see what happens next. 

If I have internet I'll try to update what is going on but with all the doctor bills piled up on top of the regular bills I'm pretty sure I might get off the first of the week since I don't see them waiting until the 14th when I can pay... oh well I've got plenty of books and dvd's. Of course I'll have to wait to put up any more Ebay stuff since I kind of have to have internet for that... yet another catch 22.

Girl Interrupted is playing at Friendz in Boiling Springs SC on Saturday night, luckily being the whammy bar specialist means I get a ride down and don't have to pay to get in... plus the music therapy is free.

Ohhhhhh... I am officially divorced after 7 years!! here's a picture of my celebratory lap dance preformed by the funnest girl I know...

You and Tequila

Had a super fun weekend!!  Friday night was the much anticipated JunkPuncher reunion show at the Moose Lodge.  As expected the place was packed!! We had the newest kids in town Shotgun Fox there to open for them. Amazing talent in these kids!

And then the men took the stage and rocked our asses off once again!!

 

The return of the barefoot bassist!

And my brother from another mother finally got up and rocked the house with "Cumbersome"!

I didn't take these pictures, I borrowed them from friends.  I was too busy dancing, drinking(a lot of tequila dranks), talking, laughing,  hanging with people I adore and just having a blast.  I hope these guys do this again sooner than later. I might even rank this as my #1 night ever at the Moose.

Saturday night was Girl Interrupted at Friendz at Lake Bowen. They always have a great crowd there but this time it was an amazing crowd.  I think we drug a lot of people out of Rutherford County who normally wouldn't leave and we were glad to see them!   Chris, Bart, Lee, Young and Joel rocked as usual and made my soul sing. I'm proud to call them family and not just friends, I love them all with every part of my being.

Now all I need is a WhiteKnuckle Joyride fix and I'll be set!

I firmly believe that music and my musician friends are why I'm still alive and doing as well as I am health wise. So if you are feeling sad or feeling sick, get out of the house, head to a local bar, club or restaurant with a live band or acoustic set and get some of my kind of medicine, I promise it will soothe your soul.

Feeling blue

I'm feeling sad tonight... well actually I've been feeling sad for a couple of weeks. And the bad thing is that I don't have to feel this way. All it would have taken was a sit down face to face talk with someone I care about and who said they cared about me.  But apparently it's easier to just walk away and not talk, not give a reason, not give someone closure.

I very rarely ask for anything from anyone.. It's just the way I am, I don't want to be a bother but sometimes answers would be nice.  As it is I don't know if it's something I said or did or if the person just thinks it would be harder on THEM to actually be honest with me.  it seems like the cowards way out.

All I want is to watch my friends live the lives they want to live and would never do anything but support them in their dreams so it hurts to be cut out with no explanation. I'm not wired to cut my feelings off and on like a light switch and people who are, are just enigmas to me.

I'll always be here for you because I love you, anytime day or night I'm just a text or phone call away.  I want you to be happy but I want me to be happy too... It may take some time but things will get better, there's no where to go but up.

I don't say it enough

Thank you... I grew up as an Army brat, you kind of learn not to make deep friendships because you know sooner rather than later you or they, are going to be moving. Because of that I learned to amuse myself and be independent, among other things.  of course it also made it hard for me to form real friendships once my dad retired and we settled down in North Carolina.

It's really only been recently that I've made what I consider to be real, true friends.  People who will be in my life for the rest of it.  For once I have people who I know will be there when I'm sad, happy, sick, lonely, bored and crazy.  People who took the time to see beneath what others see as shyness/snobbishness/ whatever they see me as.  I don't like to bother people so I'm usually waiting on someone to call or text me first...most people figure that out, others think it means I don't won't to talk to them when that is usually far from the truth.

I'm not always the easiest person to get to know but I think I'm worth it in the end.  So thank you for being my friend... all of you.... but especially you!!!

Saving Grace

The past few days I've been doing a Saving Grace marathon.  If you've never watched it, get on Netflix and put in your queue right now.  The show is based around a cop, Grace Hanadarko played by Holly Hunter.  She's a drinker, promiscuous make her own rules kind of girl.  One day she meets Earl, played by Leon Rippy, who turns out to be her last chance Angel.

The series is the story of Grace who has lost her belief in God slowly finding her way back.

I normally don't talk about religion, everyone has their beliefs and I think that's the way it should be. Believe in what/who you want and respect how others choose to believe.  I don't go to church, but that doesn't mean I don't believe or that I don't pray, because I do, every day, sometimes more than once. And I've read the Bible cover to cover. I've also read the Book of Mormon and several other spiritual texts.

  I was talking to a friend and they asked me had I ever cried while I was praying and did I think it was a good thing or a bad thing.  Yes, I've cried while praying. I guess it just depends on why you are praying to begin with. Sometimes they are tears of joy, sometimes of sadness or forgiveness. Praying is a way of giving yourself, your soul over to a higher power and sometimes that can be overwhelming.

I honestly don't know where I'm going with this post. I guess it's kind of like my life, I never know where it's going either, I just hang on and hope for smooth sailing. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't.  But I'll never give up, that would be too easy.

Honestly, did you think I could be totally serious?

It's almost 2:30 a.m. so why am I still awake?

I could understand still being awake if this was Friday or Saturday, hell I'd more than likely being headed to the Waffle House but tonight?!  My mind doesn't want to shut down so maybe if I ramble a bit I will eventually nod off.

Ten years and two months ago was when I finally got my official diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. People ask me how that felt, was I scared?  No, I was relieved... I finally had an answer to why I was freezing in place, falling down, passing out and going numb. It took 4 Neurologists before one would actually say "You have M.S." something I knew in my heart even as I saw the first one.  I was tested for everything they could test for and then some. For me the diagnosis was a blessing... I could finally get around to doing something to get the problem under control.  I've learned what causes me to have exacerbations and I do everything I can to avoid and prevent them. It seems to be working along with my meds that I take.

Just five months after that diagnosis during an MRI on my spine to check for MS lesions the tech stopped the scan, went and called in a doctor and they proceeded to put me in yet another machine.  Usually they won't tell you what they see, you have to wait for the report to go to your doctor and the doctor calls you. Instead they told me that they saw something in my neck and needed to check it out.  It was a mass on my Thyroid. I went almost immediately for a biopsy which came back cancerous. Again there was no sense of panic, just a calm acceptance of let's get something done about this so I can go back to living.  A week later I had surgery, they took the entire thyroid and two para-thyroids. Supposedly I have two left but they don't work.  I did radiation treatments twice. The kind where you swallow a pill and then have to be in total isolation for days. I was in a hospital room where I could have no visitors... they could come to the door but not come in. Not even the nurses were allowed in the room.. they set my food on a table just inside the door and everything went into hazmat bags when I finished.  I did wake up one morning to find my bed surrounded by a doctor reading my chart to a group of interns. I just opened my eyes, looked around and said " Did I die or did you not read the DO NOT ENTER patient is RADIOACTIVE sign on the door?" I've never seen a room clear that fast...lmao..  After two rounds of that and about a half dozen or more less radioactive but still radioactive scans I was finally cleared.  Other than the fact that I have to take massive amounts of vitamins and minerals to keep my blood a pumping I'm doing good from that.

And of course my last round with the 12 pound 8 ounce tumor and the removal of most of my innards. I'm not going to rehash that at this point, you can go back about a year to read about that if you want to refresh or if you just got here.  I've got a pretty humongous scar from that, I just tell people I got it in a drunk monkey knife fight if they ask... not that many people ever see it :)

I had kind of a stressful week but the past couple of days have been better and hopefully it will keep getting even better.  Stress is a trigger I try to avoid. God has kept me here for a reason, I think I know what it is... if I'm right it's an amazing gift if I'm wrong, it's an amazing lesson.  Either way I'm here for the ride.

Since here lately I've been posting pictures of my friends and things that mean something I guess I need to see what I can find tonight.

 Goodnight y'all see you next time!!!

My guilty pleasure

Well... one of them, is the Canadian t.v. show Trailer Park Boys.  It's never been a secret that I love Sci-Fi but TPB is my fall back when I need to laugh.  So it should come as no surprise that I am super stoked that they are filming a new season!!!!! SQUEEEEEEE!!!!

I had a really great weekend hanging out with two of my favorite bands, Girl Interrupted and Ask Alice at the Wounded Warrior Rally at the AmVets Post 75 in Roebuck S.C.  It was a great day and they raised a lot of money for a good cause. Bikers from various clubs showed up to show their respect for those who have fought for our freedoms and left their differences at the door. That's what these things are for peace and honor... I'm still playing with my camera but I kind of liked these pics.

I proud to say that these people are not just my friends, they are my family and without them I would be lost.....and for sure wouldn't laugh as much as I do.

Sunday was a lazy day but an evening with a friend followed by lunch on Monday made my life a whole lot brighter. I'm looking forward to what the future holds for once.

Luckily even though it was hot on Saturday there was a breeze and enough shade that it didn't cause any problems with the MS... knock on wood.  Music is the best therapy anyone can have, I firmly believe that and I'm blessed to have a number of "therapists" in my world.

Everybody wants to

Every once and a while you just feel this urge, this anger, this need to just slap the stupid out of someone. Any one that really knows me can tell you that I never resort to violence, but that doesn't mean it doesn't cross my mind from time to time.

But I'm a lover, not a fighter. I want the people I love to be happy and feel safe.  Lately I see a lot of people put into conflicts they don't deserve to be in. Why people insist on being vindictive and petty with other people is beyond me.  I'm not saying I'm Mother Teresa...again I'm sure some of my friends can attest to the fact that when someone really upsets me, I do get mad... but I walk away from the conflict, end the relationship, whatever I need to do to calm myself down. Things either sort themselves out or they don't but I'm not going to let someone else dictate my feelings.

I have people in my life, people I see every day and people I've met and maintained friendships with on-line for years, who I have watched  be hurt and manipulated by other people for no other reason than because the manipulator was miserable and wanted my friends to be miserable too.  It's hard to watch but all I can do is be there when they need someone who cares and loves them to encourage them.  It hurts me to see them hurt and all I want to do is wash it all away.

I've always been the sounding board for people.  For as long as I can remember people have come to me when they need to talk, to work out the problems that are holding them down.  I think in a previous life I must have been a psychologist ... if I'd had the opportunity that's what I'd be doing today.

I know this post is kind of rambling but I'm in a rambling kind of mood right now.  It's been one of those days you want a hug and want to hug someone... but you didn't do either. 

I guess I should say something about my MS since that was going to be my main focus when I started the blog, hence the name MS and More. It just seems that the More effects me more than the MS...
I'm still on Copaxone and while I hate the daily shot it seems to be doing it's job.  I've been pretty much stable for a while.  I have a bad day every now and then but with my meds, trying to eat right, and not pushing myself I am pretty much keeping myself on an even keel.

Maybe it's time to change the name of the blog?

Two days in a row??

Obviously aliens have taken control of my body as I am doing this two days in a row. As long as they don't probe me we'll get along just fine.

Got my blood work results back today and both my CA-125 and CEA levels are normal! Great news but they are still going to keep an eye on me for a while just to be on the safe side.

On a more personal note...what could be more personal than my health trials and tribulations you may ask? My New Years resolution was to finally file for divorce this year. I've been separated for I don't know, 6 or 7 years, and since he showed no interest in paying for it I decided that filing would be a good Birthday present for myself. So the week of July 15th I will be taking back my maiden name! Is this something I should feel sad about, because all I feel is a huge weight off of my shoulders. This is something that should have been a long time ago. Marriage should be a happy thing, it should be two people and a give and take kind of relationship. Mine was never really any of that and the only thing that saddens me is that I ever let things be as bad as they were. So I'm going to let this ending be a happy one, because I deserve it.

I see a week of Tequila Sunrises in my future and time with some of the friends that I love...

Here's to the future....it's gonna be even better than the past!

Life is good...for once

I'm going to say it again.. for what seems like the thousandth time, I'm going to try and start blogging way more than I have. I promise!

To get the health stuff out of the way, last week I went and saw my OB/GYN Oncologist for my 1 year follow up. The exam and ultrasound looked good and had some blood work to keep an eye on some of my CA levels but so far no results.. no news is good news!

On to life in general... I've got a lot to be happy about.. family, amazing friends, people I love and people who love me. I am lucky enough to have friends who are musicians, damn good ones at that, I truly believe that music can heal anything if you open yourself up to it and let it in body, mind and soul.  I know it has gotten me through a lot and without it I'd be lost in a sea of hopelessness.

My Girl Interrupted girls Chris and Lee

One of the boys who Interrupted, Joel

Another boy Interrupting, but Bart is married to Chris so I guess it's okay

 

 

 

And of course Young, yet another boy!

 

 This is the youngest talent On the local scene Trina, she rocks! And me and Chris.. don't ask

 

These are just some of the people who make me smile, laugh, heal and love.

Stranger things have happened

I'm coming up on a year since I had my tumor and other misc. organs removed. It some ways it seems like yesterday and in others it seems like forever ago. My iron and red count are still low and the red cells are too small. Or at least they were last month when I went in and had an i.v. infusion of iron, we'll find out in early June if that worked or if my body is just weird.  I'm betting weird is the answer.

I've got a million and one things I want to say here but I'm just not ready to say them.  I'm making some big changes and taking some big steps. I think things are going to be interesting around here....I hope!

It's amazing how one thing can absolutely change your life and give you new reason to fight...and it's wonderful.

Ups and downs

Once again it's been a while so I guess it's time to do some rambling.

Seems like some parts of my life may be looking up. I'm not ready to talk about the possible good stuff yet because I don't want to jinx anything just yet.  Just keep your fingers crossed for me.

And of course since this is me, there has to be a down.  Had some lab work last week and my Iron and red blood cell levels are low again, and my red cells are smaller than they shoud be.  The oncologist thought that the surgery last year should have resolved the problem but once again I'm an oddity.  So Wendsday I'll be reporting to the Chemo suite for an Iron I.V. infusion. Hopefully this will help and maybe kickstart my system, otherwise it's test city once again to see if we can find a cause. I'm hoping I'm not carting around another 12 pound tumor, I guess we'll see.

And of course since I wasn't expecting all of this, I am turning in change and selling crap on Ebay in hopes of making enough money to pay my bills. Oh well, it's not like I'm not used to being poor, but I'm starting to get sick of soup!!

For your viewing pleasure here is a picture of Kiko the baby Giraffe that was born at the Greenville SC Zoo last year. it's not too clear but my camera sucks!

Feelings....nothing more than feelings

I've been thinking a lot about feelings lately.  Not just emotional feelings, though I've got plenty of those running through my head too, these are more, lets say psychic feelings.

I've always had a sixth sense, a small one but it's there.  I wake up knowing who I'm going to hear from during the day,  stuff like that. It also extends to my health issues. I usually know when there is something wrong with me way before the doctors do. I've even been know to just tell the people doing the tests what they need to look for and they almost always find it.

I knew that I had something serious going on when they found the tumor back in April, I almost hate to say it because I don't want it happening again but I've been having that same feeling again. Both in my mind and in how I feel physically..

Hopefully my spidey sense is off this time. I'm seeing the oncologist March 20th so we'll see then. Until then I'm going to live my life and enjoy life.

Now the emotional feelings.... I'm one of those people who laugh at funerals because I  think people would prefer us to remember and celebrate the fun parts of their lives and not be all mopey and stuff. I cry when I'm mad or when someone I love is hurting. I hurt when people I care about and claim to be my friends cut me out of their lives because they have a new "toy".  I hurt when I go out of my way to help someone with a bad situation and get left behind. I'm good enough to help them but not good enough to take a chance on. I guess it's their loss ans someday they will realize that. Maybe it won't be too late.

Enough with the maudlin crap, if you know a guy who wants 45 year old Grandma with lots of scars have him HMU  jk :)